The Way I Loved You
Taylor Swift - 2008
Yes, I listen to The Beatles, Buffalo Springfield, and The Doobie Brothers. Yes, I love the Whisky a Go Go and will randomly start telling you the exact detailed story of how GoGo boots got their name, even if you don't particularly care. Yes, I love psychedelic rock and 80s New Wave and I know my way around a mosh pit. And yes, I also adore Taylor Swift. Centerfield was always the song to open this portfolio, but The Way I Loved You was always going to be the one to close it.
When I was a small child, I had a Taylor Swift Barbie doll. It came with a little plastic guitar, and when you pressed a small button on the back, it spewed out a grainy version of "Love Story." To my dismay, the toy wilted with age, and the song started falling out of tune. Eventually, my dog decided to put the doll out of its misery and chewed its head off.
A lot of people in my local music scene in Los Angeles, especially older men, think it is absolutely hilarious that I enjoy Taylor Swift's music. She is much too mainstream for them, and because they know that, their taste in music is obviously far superior to mine. She is everything they don't like: a pop artist, a widely known artist, a woman. I used to want them to think I was cool, worthy of their time.
But it is okay to like Taylor Swift.
He is sensible and so incredible
And all my single friends are jealous
He says everything I need to hear, and it's like
I couldn't ask for anything better
He opens up my door and I get into his car
And he says, "You look beautiful tonight"
And I feel perfectly fine
But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
And it's 2 a.m. and I'm cursing your name
So in love that you act insane
And that's the way I loved you
Breaking down and coming undone
It's a roller coaster kind of rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you
He respects my space
And never makes me wait
And he calls exactly when he says he will
He's close to my mother
Talks business with my father
He's charming and endearing
And I'm comfortable
But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
And It's 2 a.m. and I'm cursing your name
You're so in love that you act insane
And that's the way I loved you
Breaking down and coming undone
It's a roller coaster kind of rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you
He can't see the smile I'm faking
And my heart's not breaking
'Cause I'm not feeling anything at all
And you were wild and crazy
Just so frustrating, intoxicating, complicated
Got away by some mistake and now
I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
It's 2 a.m. and I'm cursing your name
I'm so in love that I acted insane
And that's the way I loved you
Breaking down and coming undone
It's a roller coaster kind of rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you
Whoa-whoa-oh-oh, oh
And that's the way I loved you
Oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh
Never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you
Honest Self-Assessment
Course Goal #4
As much as this course has been about developing my personal writing style, it has also been about a journey of self-acceptance. I have always struggled with the feeling of being too much for people. This was the topic of many of my opening writes, a main theme of my Systems Literacy Narrative, and the current underlying pretty much everything I produce. However, I have truly grown and expanded my mindset about myself and my much-ness through this Foundations Writing Course.
My professor for this course gave me some feedback that stuck with me, commenting "Thank you for always (and trying to) trusting your intuition and your muchness, even if/when all the naysayers in your head tell you otherwise. As you write, your willingness to show up and to follow through--even and I'd add, especially through uncertainty, doubt, and fear--is one of your strengths and part of writing... Thank you for allowing me to bear witness to your growth this semester. Keep writing and don't let go of your muchness (from a fellow 'muchness')."
Sound Studios doesn't appeal to everyone, but it doesn't care. The rehearsal venue keeps chugging along, spitting out vending machine snacks, hosting $5 shows, and providing just enough power to support an amp because it knows the world will be a little less vibrant without that bass solo. The Whisky a Go Go didn't ask permission before it changed music culture forever. It didn't apologize for having so much influence that a popular style of boot was named after the dancers who wore it there. Scented Leaf, my preferred writing environment, doesn't feel shame because it only serves tea. The things I love, I love fiercely, like music and my friends. Of course I write about the things I love, through the lens of the things I love; what else would push me to create, to make something out of nothing?