
I Like It, I Love It
Tim McGraw - 1995
I spent 48 hours last night on my Final English Portfolio. (Don't think about that one too hard.) This country-rock single was McGraw's third song to reach the number-one spot on Billboard's US Hot Country Songs chart. Today, it's a popular line dancing song, and one of my favorite country songs.
I'm sure Tim McGraw likes the Braves, but he loves the woman. In this catchy country song, McGraw conducts a peer review with his long-lost buddies, even if he wasn't necessarily looking for feedback. His buddies say that McGraw is "getting in too deep" in his relationship with the woman in this song. Although he received the recommendations for revision from his friends, he concluded that ultimately it did not align with his personal goals for his relationship. This does not mean McGraw is incapable of revision, however. On the contrary, he finds his ability to be courteous subpar when faced with new circumstances. It may not be audience mapping or getting rid of sentence fragments, but McGraw evaluates his work, finds it lacking, and makes an effort to improve it.
McGraw in this song exists on a pendulum. He either goes above and beyond, or gives nothing at all, just like me. I Like It, I Love It represents my experience with Student Learning Outcome #4, Revision.
Spent 48 dollars last night at the county fair
I throwed out my shoulder, but I won her that teddy bear
She's got me sayin' "Sugar Pie", "Honey", "Darlin'", and "Dear"
I ain't seen the Braves play a game all year
I'm gonna get fired if I don't get some sleep
My long lost buddies say I'm getting in too deep
But I like it, I love it, I want some more of it
I try so hard, I can't rise above it
Don't know what it is 'bout that little girl's lovin'
But I like it, I love it, I want some more of it
My mama and daddy tried to teach me courtesy
But it never sank in 'til that girl got a hold of me
Now I'm holdin' umbrellas, and opening up doors
I'm taking out the trash and I'm sweeping my floor
I'm crossing my fingers, and counting every kiss
Prayin' that it keeps goin' on like this
'Cause I like it, I love it, I want some more of it
I try so hard, I can't rise above it
I don't know what it is 'bout that little girl's lovin'
But I like it, I love it, I want some more of it
Gotta wash my truck and dress up
To pick her up to watch TV
When she sits down on the sofa, she'll move a little closer
She can't get enough of me
And I like it, I love it, I want some more of it
I try so hard, I can't rise above it
I don't know what it is 'bout that little girl's lovin'
But I like it, I love it, I want some more of it
Come on, baby
You know what I like
Yeah, I like that
Hey, don't forget to turn out the lights!

Revision Process in Action
This is a text exchange between my best friend, Lexi, and I. Having received feedback that my Essay 2 was far too wordy, I reached out to her to see if she could help me cut some of it. Lexi and I often consult each other for peer reviews, editing, and proofreading. She knows my writing voice keenly, and I know hers. When she makes edits or suggestions, she smoothly excavates my point from the verbose ramblings of someone who's not quite sure what they're trying to say. She preserves my personal style and helps cut away the excess. Lexi is a biological anthropology major, hence the bow-and-arrow tidbit. Although it is always helpful to conduct a peer review with someone trying to complete the same assignment as you on the same timeline, revision by someone who is acutely familiar with your hyperdiction is something else entirely.
Revision
Student Learning Outcome #4
My revision strategy is dramatic and a little ruthless. To put it simply, if I don't love it, I don't keep it. It's much easier to cut than to add, and no matter what work you're looking at, I cut a lot. I adapted this revision process to a variety of technologies and modalities; from recording a podcast, to writing an argumentative essay, to communicating my personal values through poetry, I stay consistent. I solidified my personal methods of revision through this course. I enjoyed the peer reviews, especially because I like to talk things though out loud in order to fully identify and solidify my thoughts. Through a fluid, engaging conversation with a peer, I can better understand what I’m trying to say and how I can say it better. My preference for revision is to have one big session of cutting content and then several small revisions. It’s easier to cut than to add, and I don’t always know at the very beginning of a work how to get my point across in the best way. So, I pile all of my thoughts into one essay draft, then brutally delete what feels clunky, doesn’t argue the thesis, or I just don’t like. If I don’t love something, I have no issue redoing it; the most important thing for me is to feel proud of my work. Other times, I write out the question: “What am I trying to say?” Then, I answer it with bullet points, and then structure my paragraph with those guidelines. This simplifies the process and makes it feel less overwhelming. Overall, the thing I revise the most is my language in order to improve clarity. This can look like a change in either the content or the form of the work. In the Essay 2 revision below, I changed both quite a bit based on my own thoughts about the project, the five main revision strategies outlined in this course, and feedback from several of my peers.
Supporting Artifact: I Like It
This is a paragraph from my Essay 2 before the cutting took place. It wasn't perfect, not by any sense of the word, but I had a lot of information and I felt like I had to put it all down. This specific paragraph was an early draft of the first part of my "Pro" argument when analyzing a legal controversy.
The procedural upholding of the Statute of Limitations is an obstruction of justice for victims of environmental contaminants because it reframes the suffering of people as a question of technical timeliness instead of a matter of morality and scientific evidence.Neighbors of the site have been affected by the toxins emanating from the Santa Susana Field Lab, and they deserve the legal justice they were barred from receiving. Jessica Gesell, a longtime resident of Simi Valley, California, shares her personal testimony of her health struggles on the Parents Against Santa Susana Field Lab website. Gesell was diagnosed with thyroid cancer at age four. “One of the first questions my doctor, Dr. Barbara Lippe, asked my mother when we met at UCLA was, ‘When was your child exposed to high levels of radiation?’” (Gesell). In 1997, Gesell joined other neighbors of the Field Lab in launching a class-action lawsuit against Boeing, the owner of the site. Gesell expresses her confidence in their case and her hope for justice, but “on June 29, 1999, our case was barred by the statute of limitations. The court held that, based on the facts as alleged in the complaint along with newspaper articles submitted by the defendants about the Rocketdyne facilities dating back to the early 80’s, our claim should have been brought forward before 1997” (Gesell). Her health issues continue to affect her life, and she communicates her anger and devastation at the absence of justice for her and other victims, even now. The origin and purpose of the source must be considered in its analysis. This anecdote comes from Parents Against Santa Susana Field Lab, a grassroots nonprofit organization dedicated to “protect[ing] nearby communities from exposure to the site’s toxic and carcinogenic contamination” through holding responsible parties accountable, according to their mission statement (PASSFL). The organization was founded by the parents of children who have suffered from unusual forms of cancer. This is valuable because the members of this organization, including Gesell, have a deeply personal connection to the cause. Gesell in particular was the child diagnosed with a rare cancer, so she has experienced this firsthand and can therefore provide a direct account of her experience. However, the origin is also a limitation, because Gesell and the founders of PASSFL are not scientists, lawyers, or environmentalists, so information presented in these sources may not be complex or nuanced enough to provide a full, well-rounded statement backed by scientific evidence. The purpose of this source is to prompt a moral outrage in the readers. She does this through employing the rhetorical strategy of pathos, utilizing emotional language to emphasize her personal trauma and her frustration with Boeing. The narrative begins with quotes from an innocent conversation between four-year-old Jessica and her father. Immediately afterward, it is revealed that this exchange was the last one that took place before a surgery for Gesell’s childhood thyroid cancer. The juxtaposition of the lighthearted conversation and the grim context that instantly follows it draws attention to Gesell’s age at the time of her diagnosis and subsequent battle with cancer. Readers empathize with her situation, especially when her innocence is the first thing expressed. The rest of the article is now affected by the previous knowledge of Gesell’s cancer that the reader now has. In addition to this, Gesell uses emotionally charged language throughout the story. Gesell claims that Boeing and related entities made an effort to cover up the partial nuclear meltdown and its release of contaminants including radioactive material. She writes that Boeing employees were “forced to comply” to Boeing’s mandate of secrecy concerning the nuclear meltdown, which connotes Boeing as the aggressor and its employees as victims of the corporation; therefore Gesell, as someone fighting against Boeing, is a righteous seeker of justice in this narrative. Overall, Gesell does not focus on the legal ruling for the class action lawsuit; rather, she stresses that the radiation from the site has caused her to battle cancer throughout her life. She also employs logos through quoting an interaction with a medical professional at UCLA, who immediately assumed radiation exposure (cited above). This is significant because it provides a trustworthy affirmation that Gesell’s cancer was indeed caused by the Santa Susana Field Lab. The article ends with a call to action: “How can we expect to leave a world behind that is safe for future generations if we don’t take the right steps to ensure their safety today?” She takes the specific topic of the Santa Susana Field Lab and ties it into the wider goal of making life better for the children, which appeals to many.
Supporting Artifact: I Love It
This is the same paragraph, but greatly revised. It's shorter and easier to understand, it's clear that this is an argument for the "Pro" side of the controversy and not my personal opinion, it's more complex, and it actually focuses on the rhetorical strategies used and explains their effect.
For those critical of Boeing, the procedural upholding of the Statute of Limitations is an obstruction of justice for victims of environmental contaminants because it reframes the suffering of people as a question of technical timeliness instead of a matter of morality and scientific evidence. Neighbors of the site have been affected by the toxins emanating from the Santa Susana Field Lab, and they deserve the legal justice they were barred from receiving. Jessica Gesell, a longtime resident of Simi Valley, California, shares her personal testimony of her health struggles on the Parents Against Santa Susana Field Lab website. Parents Against Santa Susana Field Lab, a grassroots nonprofit organization dedicated to “protect[ing] nearby communities from exposure to the site’s toxic and carcinogenic contamination” through holding responsible parties accountable, according to their mission statement (PASSFL). The organization was founded by the parents of children who have suffered from unusual forms of cancer. Gesell was diagnosed with thyroid cancer at age four, and she recounts that “one of the first questions my doctor, Dr. Barbara Lippe, asked my mother when we met at UCLA was, ‘When was your child exposed to high levels of radiation?’” (Gesell, para. 12). In 1997, Gesell joined other neighbors of the Field Lab in launching a class-action lawsuit against The Boeing Company, but “on June 29, 1999, our case was barred by the statute of limitations. The court held that, based on the facts as alleged in the complaint…our claim should have been brought forward before 1997” (Gesell para. 8). Her health issues continue to affect her life, and she communicates her anger and devastation at the absence of justice for her and other victims, even now.
Gesell and the founders of PASSFL are not scientists, lawyers, or environmentalists, but they are humans. Information presented in these sources may not be complex or nuanced enough to provide a full, well-rounded statement backed by scientific evidence, but their deeply personal connections to the cause allow them to weaponize their own suffering against The Boeing Company. This is done through employing the rhetorical strategy of pathos, utilizing emotionally charged language to emphasize Gesell’s personal trauma and frustration. The narrative begins with quotes from an innocent conversation between four-year-old Jessica and her father. Immediately afterward, it is revealed that this exchange was the last one that took place before a surgery for Gesell’s childhood thyroid cancer. The juxtaposition of the lighthearted conversation and the grim context that instantly follows it draws attention to Gesell’s age at the time of her diagnosis and subsequent battle with cancer. Readers empathize with her situation, and the localized audience for this source goes beyond residents of Southern California; anyone who has had cancer or been proximate to another's cancer, especially within childhood, now has a stake in the controversy. Gesell claims that Boeing and related entities made an effort to cover up the partial nuclear meltdown and its release of contaminants including radioactive material. She writes that Boeing employees were “forced to comply” to Boeing’s mandate of secrecy concerning the nuclear meltdown, connoting Boeing as the aggressor and its employees as victims of the corporation; therefore Gesell, as someone fighting against Boeing, is a righteous seeker of justice in this narrative. Overall, Gesell does not focus on the legal ruling for the class action lawsuit; rather, she stresses that the radiation from the site has caused her to battle cancer throughout her life, taking an emotionally-focused stance over a litigation-focused one. The article ends with a call to action: “How can we expect to leave a world behind that is safe for future generations if we don’t take the right steps to ensure their safety today?”
Excerpt from Discussion 2, Unit 1
My comments on Brett Baumgartner's Systems Literacy Narrative Rough Draft
I think that there is a lot of both telling and shallow showing, but I think that using more descriptive language and utilizing imagery and the five senses would be helpful to deepen the emotional impact of the specific events referenced. Figurative language would also help keep the essay from being too literal or stories feeling repetitive. This could be through a metaphor, extended metaphor, or hyperbole. The part about working extra hard to study for tests even though he never felt like he could be as smart as his peers has the potential to be very compelling if it is shown and not told. You could also expand on how all you hear as a kid in that situation is that you’re wrong by playing with non-realistic dialogue, outlining what you know they said as an adult versus what it felt like they said when you were a kid.
Final thoughts: This is a really good framework for an essay! I think some ideas need to be developed a little more and the language might need to be more complex. Some of the sentences or ideas are kind of clunky or confusing; when I have this problem I try reading the essay aloud to myself to see what flows and what doesn’t. However, the content is very interesting, and I really like that there were multiple personal instances shared. There are a lot of hard-hitting sentences I love, like “This is the moment that I realized that you could be right and still be wrong.” It’s very clear through your writing that this is something deeply personal that you care about a lot, and the passion absolutely shines through. Great job :)
Excerpt from Discussion 7, Unit 3
My comments on Brett Baumgartner's Poetry Podcast
The story you are trying to tell is about the nature of the poem and the use of “from” as meaning both a beginning and an end, and how this connects to your interpretation of the poem as cycling between the concepts and the experiences of love and nothingness and how they intertwine. You also cite moments where the audience feels conflicted over the situation of the author: uncomfortable and sick, but compassionate and empathetic. This, too, adds to the narrative you are crafting about how two seemingly opposite concepts can mix. The arc of the story is supported through this, because you point out where this appears in both the author and the audience.
The most significant thing I noticed is that you and your peer interpreted the poem as coming from a woman’s perspective, and interpreted the relations that occur as being between a woman and a man. The author of this poem, however, is a man, and my personal interpretation of this poem is that it is about a homosexual relationship and the guilt and passion that comes with it. He also explores themes of African American identity, like when he writes that the man’s hands come from slave times. These two themes, and especially the combination of the two, are extremely significant when analyzing the poem and the author’s positionality. You could also support the story/arc a little better by noting specific instances of authorial choices and literary elements like figurative language, mood, tone, alliteration, syntax, and the rhythm of the poem.
In-Class Assignments and Activities
Course Goal #2
As a writer, I like to talk things out before I write them down. Most of the time, for these in-class peer reviews, my peer (usually Brett) and I would talk for the entire allotted time and jot down quick notes. Then, later in the day, we would come back to the assignment instructions and make our thoughts, recommendations, and suggestions understandable and actionable. Throughout the semester in this Writing Foundations course, I have improved on revising my own work, but I have also learned how to best suggest revisions to peers. Because I reviewed with the same peer most of the time, I was able to be more critical of his work- especially rough drafts and early stages- because I became familiar with him as a writer and what he was capable of. I think two important skills to learn are the abilities to criticize kindly and the ability to take criticism gracefully. When you begin to see kind criticism as teamwork instead of a personal affront to your writing, the work gets better. A peer, looking at an unfamiliar-to-them work with fresh eyes, can catch things that you as the author have missed.